by Betty Jampel
Special to NJJN  January 1, 2009

    “No human is expendable. If one is slighted or excluded, the whole of society is unfit.”

    — based on Vayikra Rabbah Emor 30:12

It is a sad fact of life that even as we have moved into the 21st century, we are still dealing with mental illness as a shameful malady. While there have been public awareness campaigns to destigmatize mental illness and a shift in the scientific community to understand the biochemical nature of psychiatric illnesses, the shame persists. Those with mental illnesses still tend to be viewed as flawed at times, as somehow not doing enough for themselves to get better. And worse, estimates are that two-thirds of people who need treatment don’t seek help. This is either because they don’t understand the symptoms or because the stigma associated with mental illness is so great that they are ashamed to seek treatment.

    “Powerful and pervasive, stigma prevents people from acknowledging their own mental health problems, much less disclosing them to others.”

    — U.S. Surgeon General, 1999

Stigma and shame go hand in hand. When people are excluded from their family, community, and society because of perceived differences, they tend to disengage themselves from these arenas. They isolate themselves and further become alienated and distanced from the very people and entities that can help them the most. Opportunities in education, housing, job training, and community life are lost. Thanks to many public figures, including Mary Jo Cody, who have shared their story with the public, the reality that mental illness cuts across all walks and socioeconomic strata of life is revealed, making it less shameful.

The statistic quoted is that one person out of every five families is affected by mental illness. So the Jewish community is in no way insulated from this phenomenon. Family members with mental and/or developmental disabilities have been at times kept under society’s radar from not being invited to participate in family events, by being shunned by some family members, or by having their disorder “kept under wraps.” Whole families create sham lives for disabled children living marginal lives or who might be homeless and wandering in distant cities.

Addiction is another facet of mental illness that has long been under-identified and/or

-acknowledged in the Jewish community. Whether it is alcohol, heroin, prescription drugs, gambling, or shopping, many families have been affected but have had difficulty seeking help. The underlying message is that we as the family helped create these problems; blame goes hand in hand with shame for many families and that has its own negative implications as well.

Perhaps it has been the overemphasis of achievement in the Jewish community that has set the bar so high. The stereotype is not so far off the mark. We value the mind and intellectual and creative pursuits. We also tend to value productivity, with its success measured quantitatively. Because of our history of persecution, we have had to reinvent ourselves constantly, so that sense of resilience and moving forward is ingrained. We are a people who have overcome many obstacles and survived by both our own means and by God’s intervention. Plowing ahead, utilizing and focusing on our strengths, has been a survival tactic.

As a Jewish community of mental health professionals, clergy, and laypeople, it is incumbent on all of us to change our perceptions of mental illness and to stop perpetuating the myths that come with these disorders. People with mental illnesses are not dangerous. This is a common misperception. While it is true that some people with mental illnesses do commit crimes, this is grossly exaggerated. In fact, the mentally ill are more likely to have crimes perpetrated against them. The predictors of crime tend to be youth, male gender, and history of violence or substance abuse. Mental illness falls well below these other predictors. And what we have found is that those with mental illnesses who are living in unstable, stressful environments and not receiving the appropriate care and services could be at an increased risk for explosive and/or violent behavior due to their vulnerability. This just validates the need for strong community support and services.

We as a Jewish community need to embrace differences and practice inclusion in all the various settings that bring us together. We need to stop judging others and to lovingly accept that we are all here to fulfill different life goals. We may look different and our life’s goals may be different, but put all together, we are all here to lift each other as a collective community. As parents, we need to teach and model for our children that we are all valuable in this world no matter what we look like or what others think about us. Teaching and modeling compassion is the most valuable lesson. As professionals, we need to fine-tune and update our understanding of mental illness and its impact on our clients. We also need to look honestly at our own prejudices and misconceptions about our clients. As family members, we need to accept all of our extended family members into our lives and to offer help to those struggling. As employers and landlords we need to make sure that we are extending opportunities to those who are most fragile and whose lives would be positively impacted if such opportunities were available.

JFS of MetroWest continues to provide counseling and case management services to children, adults, and families. JFS is steadfast in its commitment to provide services that are tailored to the individual’s need. We also work to help family members manage and create individualized care plans in various capacities for their loved ones.

    “Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by another human being.”

    — Elie Wiesel

Most importantly, as a community, we must embrace hope. Hope for recovery and rehabilitation. Hope that with great compassion and care, any obstacle can be overcome. There is no situation that is so dire that doesn’t eventually pass. And the grace and dignity that we can muster through these times makes all the difference in the world. Getting through a major depression, psychotic break, anxiety and/or panic episode, or any other psychiatric illness is no different. If one comes out with his dignity and personhood intact, we have done our job as a community and as a people.

Betty Jampel, LCSW, is coordinator of case management services at Jewish Family Service of MetroWest.

MetroWest ABLE — Access, Belonging, and Life Enrichment — is the newly branded network of agencies that serve people with a range of physical and mental disabilities and their families. The agencies include Daughters of Israel, Friendship Circle of the Rabbinical College of America, JCC MetroWest, Jewish Family Service, Jewish Service for the Developmentally Disabled, Jewish Vocational Service, JESPY House, Inc., Joint Chaplaincy Committee, and The Partnership for Jewish Learning and Life. Consult the UJC website (www.ujcnj.org) for contact information and a directory of services, including counseling, housing, vocational, recreation, education, spiritual, cultural, and social services, or call community of inclusion coordinator Rebecca Wanatick at 973-929-3129.

Q. My mother is 78 years old and very independent, but lately she does not seem like herself. She is frequently tired, cries often, and no longer wants to see her friends. How can I help her? A. Your mother may be experiencing
symptoms of depression. Although depression in older adults is very common, it is often undiagnosed and under-treated because many assume it is normal to feel sad as you age. This is not true. There are times, such as after the loss of a loved one, that grieving is normal, but feelings of sadness and despair that last or significantly affect the person’s daily life could be depression.Depression is actually a treatable illness in older adults, and studies show that with
the right treatment, it is possible for your loved one to feel better.
It is very important for your mother to have a complete medical work-up to rule
out possible serious medical conditions, especially if symptoms appear suddenly.
Studies show older adults do well with a combination of medication and counseling or support groups. Professionals, such as social workers, are trained to understand the causes and symptoms of depression in older adults, who often do not present with typical depressive symptoms. They may complain about pains with no cause or a lack of desire to do things they once enjoyed.
Often when people feel sad, they stop doing things they enjoy, and this only makes them feel worse. Even if your loved one is resistant to medication or counseling at first, you can try to help her feel like herself again by focusing on activities they enjoy. Encourage her to set small goals, like calling a friend once a week or going for a walk. With seniors who are limited by health problems, you can try things like playing music or looking at old photos. Focusing on the things they are still able to do and letting them choose what may help them can lead
to an improvement. Jewish Family Service of MetroWest provides services to address geriatric depression and other aging needs, including assessments, ounseling, and case management. Social workers can work with the older adult mselves or with caregivers who may also be experiencing symptoms, in the office or through home visits. Appropriate referrals can be made for medical care, home care, and socialization opportunities. A nurse practitioner may be available for homebound clients as well. JFS also provides community education and depression screenings.
— LIZ KLAPMAN
Liz Klapman, a social worker with Jewish Family’s Service of MetroWest, has worked primarily with older adults for the past three years. She promotes the prevention and treatment of geriatric depression through
Healthy IDEAS, an evidence-based intervention program funded with support from the State of New Jersey Department of Health and Senior Services
and the Grotta Fund for Senior Care of the Jewish Community Foundation
of MetroWest. Send questions to the JFS social worker to  intake@jfsmetrowest.org (put “JFS on Call” in the subject line). For more information on JFS call 973-765-9050 or visit www.jfsmetrowest.org

by Karen B. Brand, LCSW
Special to NJJN

April 16, 2009

MetroWest CARES — the Committee Addressing Resources for Eldercare Services, is coordinated by United Jewish Communities of MetroWest NJ with support from the Healthcare Foundation of New Jersey — brings together professionals and lay leaders from MetroWest agencies that provide services to older adults. Each month, a MetroWest CARES agency presents an educational column on an eldercare issue; this month’s article on relocating older relatives is presented by Jewish Family Service.

“I’m getting tired of living alone in Florida, with the hurricanes, sickness, and recent death of my friends.”While these words were uttered by my mother, they could easily have come from one of the many hundreds of Elderlink callers (the centralized telephone information and referral program for older adults in the MetroWest community) whom I speak with on a monthly basis.
As a professional in the community with lots of contacts and knowledge of the housing options, I thought helping move my mother back to New Jersey would be relatively simple. Although I knew the steps to take to physically relocate my mother, there were significant emotional challenges to be encountered.

This process — known as “reverse migration” — refers to older adults from the Northeast who retired many years ago to Sun Belt communities and are now relocating back to the Northeast. After people led active lives in their retirement communities for years or even decades, they find their needs changing. One spouse may have a disability or perhaps has died. Since they don’t have the informal supports and want to remain independent, the option of moving back to a place where they have long established ties and family becomes very appealing.

According to the U.S. Census, AARP, and National Council on Aging, older adults are the fastest growing segment of the population. In 2010, one in 10 individuals will be 65 years or older. There is tremendous stress on seniors and their families to find and maintain affordable housing; to acquire and pay for personal care assistance, professional level nursing, and long-term care; and to access other needed services such as transportation. It is important for you and your loved ones to communicate and plan ahead for the Golden Years, so that they can remain independent yet stay connected to their communities.

Moving is considered one of the most stressful situations at any age. Physical limitations, recent deaths, loss of independence, and anxiety about the unknown make relocation particularly difficult for an older adult. Yet once the initial stress is over, there is a journey together that can provide new closeness and strengthen family relationships. Professionally and personally, I can attest that it is possible to welcome a loved older adult back to their home territory.

Most people are not prepared for this aspect of their Golden Years or, as my 81-year-old mother calls them, the “slightly tarnished” years. So where do you begin? Think ahead and prepare yourself and your parent or loved one for this possibility. Assess your family member’s medical, physical, mental, and cognitive status. Determine how well they are functioning by analyzing their activities of daily living, such as shopping, cooking, bathing, home maintenance, managing health care needs, and driving. Additionally, it is important to size up finances and formalize legal matters.

Consider their social participation and supports. Does your older relative have regular contact with other people in their community? Do they have a social life outside the immediate family?

Once it is decided that returning to New Jersey is the best solution, there are both challenges and opportunities for the whole family. Your family member will have many questions and concerns that will need to be addressed: What kind of home or apartment should I live in? Where do I go food shopping? Which bank should I use? Where can I do my laundry? Who will be my doctor? Old friends may no longer live nearby and establishing new relationships at any age can be difficult. You and your parents may not have resided in the same area for many years so a new balance and boundaries will have to be established. By providing consistent love and support and helping an older relative connect with community resources, a family member can help a loved one become more comfortable in a new environment and develop a social network. The pleasure of having your loved one close by and the comfort and reassurance of being able to help out when needed are benefits for all.

In the words of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, from his speech to the White House Conference of Aging in 1961, “As we get older, we are increasingly called on to celebrate life, to know our place in the cycle of generations, to cherish each moment as a sacred gift from God, and to grow in wisdom.”

If you are considering relocating a family member to New Jersey and would like more information, please contact Jewish Family Service of MetroWest.

MetroWest CARES is sponsoring Welcoming Your Aging Relative to MetroWest, a community conversation, at the Leon & Toby Cooperman JCC, Ross Family Campus, West Orange, on Thursday, April 23, at 7:30 p.m. Join staff from the JCC, Jewish Family Service and UJC, along with other community members, to learn what our local MetroWest Eldercare network can offer you and your aging loved one.

Families and caregivers needing answers to broader eldercare questions and help with community resources can contact Elderlink, a portal to all MetroWest services for older adults and their families. Elderlink can be reached at 973-765-9050, ext. 511, or elderlink@jfsmetrowest.org.

To read the full article click here.

Read the full article from the New Jersey Jewish News here.

Click here to read the full article from the New Jersey Jewish News.

February 5, 2009 :  New Jersey Jewish News
The first program sponsored by Congregation Agudath Israel’s inclusion committee to sensitize the community to special-needs individuals was a Jan. 25 screening of Praying With Lior. The documentary is about Lior Liebling, who has Down Syndrome, and his bar mitzva in an embracing Philadelphia synagogue. Lior and his father, Rabbi Mordechai Liebling, addressed the gathering at the program; here, Lior, on right, chats with audience members.

The first program sponsored by Congregation Agudath Israel’s inclusion committee to sensitize the community to special-needs individuals was a Jan. 25 screening of Praying With Lior. The documentary is about Lior Liebling, who has Down Syndrome, and his bar mitzva in an embracing Philadelphia synagogue. Lior and his father, Rabbi Mordechai Liebling, addressed the gathering at the program; here, Lior, on right, chats with audience members.

Photo by Abby Meth Kanter

From “Jewish Disabilities Awareness Month Resource Guide”

From “Jewish Disabilities Awareness Month Resource Guide”
Sidebar

    * Resources for inclusion

February 5, 2009

This year, for the first time, February is National Jewish Disability Awareness Month. The idea was first proposed by the Jewish Special Education International Consortium, and it has been picked up by Jewish organizations and agencies across the religious spectrum, including the Union for Reform Judaism, United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, and United Jewish Communities. To mark the month, NJJN will publish a series of articles on special-needs families and programs. Next week: Special education in synagogue religious schools.

Anne Elmowitz, a longtime member of Congregation Agudath Israel of West Essex in Caldwell, has a 36-year-old son with autism. Aaron has been a fixture at Shabbat morning services since he was small. Back then, she said, she had her work cut out for her.

“When he was really little, the word ‘autism’ was not even used. It was ‘communications handicap,’” she said.

The family found little support in their own community.

“We did everything on our own,” she said. “It’s hard enough having a child with special needs, but if you have to blaze trails constantly, it’s difficult.”

And she’s still at it. If she and her husband, Marvin, are away from their West Caldwell home for the weekend, there is no one to bring Aaron — a resident of a group home in the town run by the Jewish Service for the Developmentally Disabled of MetroWest — to shul.

And through the years, there was typically little for him programmatically or socially at the synagogue.

About one year ago, Anita Finkel of West Orange, whose 22-year-old daughter Zahava was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 17, decided to start what has become known as an “inclusion committee” at Agudath Israel. Elmowitz jumped at the opportunity. She joined mostly to help other parents, but the committee’s work will ultimately benefit Aaron as well.

The committee also attracted congregants like Liz B., a younger woman with preschool children (who asked that her full name and that of her son not be used, since not every member of the family is aware of his disability). Liz spends her days advocating for her nearly four-year-old son Howie (not his real name), getting him to speech, occupational, and physical therapy sessions. Howie, who has epilepsy, had the left lobe of his brain surgically removed when he was two to help control his seizures. He has some resulting developmental and social delays that Liz hopes he will outgrow.

Like Elmowitz, Liz found little specific support in the community. “There’s nothing for epilepsy in the Essex County area,” she said. She ultimately joined an Internet support group. But unlike the situation for Aaron more than 30 years ago, the Agudath Israel preschool has embraced Howie. He spends his mornings in a special-needs preschool and three afternoons a week at the CAI preschool, where director Judy Tabs provided a “shadow” aide and special teachers.

According to his mother, Howie is thriving there, and the family feels comfortable in the community.

The differences in the experiences at CAI for Howie and Aaron are striking. They reflect how far the community has come over the last few decades, but there are still gaps, whether a dearth of programs that the children of Elmowitz or Finkel or Liz B. can participate in, a lack of sensitivity on the part of other congregants, or a blind spot among professionals.

Those are the kinds of gaps that the inclusion committee hopes to fill. It was formally established last spring.

The committee has three goals: to provide support for special-needs adults and children and their families; to create awareness in the congregation of the issues, and to achieve inclusion itself — not just physical accommodation and tolerance for people with special needs, but an environment of embracing them and integrating them into the community.

“Special-needs individuals are not just mitzva projects,” said Finkel, paraphrasing Rabbi Bradley Artson, who served as keynote speaker at a recent conference on the Jewish community and special-needs children in the Washington, DC, area. “You are, for your own benefit, understanding and embracing them.”

Members of the committee and its work are focused not only on special-needs children in the classroom, but on a range of challenges, from children with food allergies to adults with sight and hearing loss to any number of physical disabilities. The committee does not fall under the aegis of social action at the synagogue, to specifically avoid the idea that it’s part of mitzva work.
‘Eye-opening’

The inclusion committee is new to this area, but has been around for at least a decade in other communities that have been more proactive around issues of disability. For example, there are 12 such committees at synagogues in the Washington, DC, area, where The Partnership for Jewish Life and Learning, a partner agency of the Federation of Greater Washington, publishes a full guide to disability awareness in the region and holds an annual conference. It was after attending the 2007 conference in DC that Finkel began to consider creating an inclusion committee locally.

Anita Finkel, center, created an inclusion committee at Congregation Agudath Israel to better serve people with special needs at the Caldwell synagogue, modeling the group on committees in the Washington, DC, area. With her are committee members Anne Elmowitz, right, and Shari Casper.

Anita Finkel, center, created an inclusion committee at Congregation Agudath Israel to better serve people with special needs at the Caldwell synagogue, modeling the group on committees in the Washington, DC, area. With her are committee members Anne Elmowitz, right, and Shari Casper.

Photo by Ed Finkel

At Agudath Israel, one of the committee’s first tasks was to conduct a formal assessment of how the community is doing: where it is succeeding in terms of special needs and which needs are most acute. Members conducted interviews among every segment of the community, from professionals to sisterhood and men’s club leaders to the office staff.

According to several professionals and board members, this systematic approach was key to revealing critical gaps. “The eye-opening area for me was that it’s broader than just the religious school/day school arena,” said CAI’s educational director, Susan Werk. Speaking with Shari Casper, the committee interviewer, Werk realized that she had not included anyone beyond school-age children in considering how to use community special-ed resources. “That was a lightning bolt that went off,” said Werk. “We have [older] kids in the community who need to be serviced and included. I realized we are not doing enough in that area.”

Office staff, meanwhile, reported receiving plenty of calls from people planning visits to the synagogue inquiring about everything from building accessibility to the availability of Braille prayer books.

One issue the inclusion committee doesn’t have to confront is physical accessibility in the synagogue. Having just completed a full renovation, the building is compliant with standards set by the Americans with Disabilities Act. “We now have elevators, water fountains at lower levels, a ramp going up to the bima, two sets of mezuzas so some are lower, and hearing devices in the sanctuary,” said Finkel. “Before the building was finished, I went on a tour with a whole list of things to check.”

The group is beginning to have an impact.

Religious-school applications now include questions about special needs. Werk has begun considering what questions ought to be added to the congregation’s membership application as well. She is reconsidering what materials to include in the synagogue’s special-needs resources. And plenty of sensitivity training is beginning to take place.

In its first community program, on Jan. 25 the committee screened Praying with Lior, a documentary about a Jewish child with Down syndrome. Its star, Lior Liebling, and his father, Rabbi Mordechai Liebling, were on hand for the event, which drew over 100 people.

And during the first week of February, the preschool brought Tamar Stern, coordinator of the Children’s Mental Health Initiative at Jewish Family Service of MetroWest, to train teachers in sensitivity to those with disabilities. There are several sensitivity trainings scheduled for different populations within the synagogue community in March and in April.

Plenty of challenges remain. Even the most outspoken advocates on the committee are guarded in their expectations. They paid out of their own pockets for the training manual that came with Praying with Lior. Liz B. was quick to acknowledge her frustration that her son is never invited to the other children’s birthday parties, but assumes that showing parents how to successfully include him would be out of the question. Similarly, Elmowitz hasn’t even considered the idea that the committee could work to provide rides to shul for her son from appropriate members of the congregation. Considering the simplicity of fixing the issue, Werk said, “I can’t believe we don’t do this. We should be able to find someone and try it for an upcoming Shabbat, even if Anne isn’t away.”

Finkel, however, continues to push for some kind of resolution to her daughter’s social isolation and to remind people not to assume things can’t be done.

Werk said she shares Finkel’s dream that some day Agudath Israel will launch the kind of conferences the Washington-area synagogues and agencies hold. For now, they satisfy themselves with smaller achievements.

Agudath Israel’s Rabbi Alan Silverstein said he fully supports the aims of the inclusion committee.

“Everyone at some point in their life has special needs,” he said. “We’re not just talking about educating kids who have developmental needs in the classroom. Everybody is affected at some point in their life in some way. And we hope that when we get to that point in our lives, there’s an embracing community to help us.”
Resources for inclusion

Numerous local agencies provide resources for individuals with special needs and their families:

    * MetroWest ABLE, a consortium of lay leaders and professionals representing the special-needs community — 973-929-3129, rwanatick@ujcnj .org
    * Coordinated Care of MetroWest, Inc. — 973-765-9050, ext. 305, jsayovitz@jfsmetrowest.org
    * Friendship Circle — 973-597-0675, info@fcnj.com
    * JCC MetroWest — 973-530-3478, asigona@jccmetrowest.org
    * JESPY House — 973-762-6909, administration@jespy.org
    * Jewish Family Service of MetroWest — 973-765-9050, jgerstein@jfsmetrowest.org
    * Jewish Service for the Developmentally Disabled of MetroWest, Inc. — 973-325-1494, lpress@jsddmetrowest.org
    * Jewish Vocational Service of MetroWest — 973-674-7773, info@jvsnj.org
    * Joint Chaplaincy Committee of MetroWest — 973-929-3168, casekoff@ujcnj.org
    * New Jersey YM-YWHA Camps’ Round Lake Camp — 973-575-3333, rlc@njycamps.org
    * Partnership for Jewish Learning and Life — 973-428-7400, rlichtman@thepartnershipnj.org
    * Jewish Deaf and Hearing Impaired Council — 973-992-3182 (TTY only), 973-473-7277(V/TTY), voice relay: 800-852-7897
    * NJ Region Our Way — 973-473-7277 (voice/TDD)

April 2, 2009

A new campaign to increase understanding and dissolve stigmas surrounding mental illness is being launched by the Jewish Family Service of MetroWest NJ, a partner agency of United Jewish Communities of MetroWest, NJ in collaboration with the Mental Health Association of Essex County.

The initiative is a website called “Gotblue.org” — modeled after the dairy industry’s “Got Milk?” advertising blitz.

The site will lead patients and their families to clinical and community resources and help “create a greater understanding of how mental illnesses can be recognized and treated,” explained Robert Davison, executive director of the county Mental Health Association. Davison was among the speakers at a kick-off news conference Monday at the AVL Events Center at the Lowenstein Sandler law firm in Roseland.
“We are hoping that community organizations and religious and civic groups will link to this website and take its materials to their constituencies,” said JFS executive director Reuben Rotman. Making that process possible is a grant from the Russell Scott Atkind Memorial Philanthropic Fund of MetroWest’s Jewish Community Foundation. Atkind, a 30-year-old computer science teacher and jazz musician, took his own life in 2006 after a long struggle with depression. His mother, Marsha Atkind, executive director of the NJ Healthcare Foundation, spoke movingly of his life and illness.

She told the audience his suicide “was not a spur-of-the-moment decision, but rather the result of the utter helplessness that had overcome him — the total lack of belief that things could get better.” “This warm, passionate, empathetic young man with a keen sense of social justice became so troubled and so silent, virtually disappearing into an abyss of depression,” she said.
Atkind was named the chief executive at the Healthcare Foundation in December; prior to that she was manager of Women’s Philanthropic Initiatives at United Jewish Communities of MetroWest NJ. “Since Russ died, I’ve been approached by so many people whose relatives have taken their own lives,” she said. “Most of these conversations were behind closed doors in my office, telling me in private what they couldn’t say in public — that their family was the victim of a suicide. No one who suffers from mental illness should have to do it alone, and no one should have to be ashamed.”
Atkind urged that Gotblue.org be widely publicized “so that loved ones who are suffering will not have to do it alone. They can get the hope and the help they need to walk through the dark tunnel.”
Rotman opened the news conference by discussing the toll depression takes on 19 million Americans each year. Citing a new study by the federal government’s Preventive Services Task Force, he noted that depression “can occur to anyone at any age and to people of any race, religion, or ethnic group.” But, Rotman said, fewer than half the people afflicted ever seek professional help. “The stigma is simply too great,” he explained. ‘Overcome the stigma’
Celina Gray, executive director of NJ Gov. Jon Corzine’s Council on Mental Health Stigma, compared the stigma surrounding mental illness to old taboos concerning cancer. Cancer patients would often die because they were reluctant to share their diagnosis with friends, family, or employers.
“It wasn’t the disease that was fatal, it was the stigma,” she said.
Gray suggested that pediatricians incorporate mental health screening in their regimens for examining children. “I see mental health stigma as the last frontier in the history of discrimination. It is exciting it be on the front lines of a true revolution in mental health,” she said.
State Senate Majority Leader Richard Codey, the morning’s main speaker, spoke tenderly of the battle his wife, Mary Jo, waged with postpartum depression. After Codey became governor in 2004, Mary Jo Codey shared the story of her lifelong struggle with depression and become an advocate for mental health awareness. “Today she’s great. She found a doctor who puts together the proper medications for her, and she wakes up every day with a smile,” Codey said. “She will help anybody she can.”

Urging people to overcome the stigma, he said, “If someone in your family is depressed, it’s not embarrassing. It knows no barriers. Whether you’re a governor or part of the governor’s family or living in the projects or a multimillionaire or as poor as can be — it can affect anyone.”

Max Kleinman, executive vice president of United Jewish Communities of MetroWest NJ, told NJ Jewish News he has received calls “from people who are desperate because of the economy.” Kleinman also noted that after car accidents, suicide is the second leading cause of death among American adolescents, and he has attended funerals of teenage suicides. “That is why this initiative is so important,” he said.

Rotman pledged to move promotion for the Gotblue.org campaign beyond its website to local billboards and pre-show advertising at movie theaters.
“It is not just suicide prevention,” said Rotman in an interview after the meeting. “We want to make sure people get help way before that.”

Marsha Atkind’s former husband, David Atkind, praised the campaign. “This is the best possible way to reach people at the grassroots level, like my son, who suffered from this,” he said. “It is just a terrific effort.”

JFS president Bart Schneiderman said the new campaign “will make huge differences in perception. As presentations and ad campaigns get started, people will be more aware of what is around them. That will make mental illness much easier to talk about.”

Lori Price Abrams, director of the UJC MetroWest Community Relations Committee, said she came to the press conference in support of other local agencies involved in combating mental illness. “This campaign is a tremendous piece of communication education, so we will do what we can to help share the message.”

Gotblue.org also offers a mental health hotline: 1-866-202-HELP.

by Betty Jampel

Special to NJJN

November 27, 2008

Through JFS on Call, a monthly column from Jewish Family Service of MetroWest, licensed social workers answer readers’ questions on a wide range of topics.

Q: My husband recently lost his job, and we have been struggling to meet COBRA payments and other expenses. We have two teenage children who are accustomed to getting whatever they want. Both my husband and I have been having trouble saying “no” to their requests. What should we do?

A: While your children may not acknowledge the reality of the harsh financial situation to you, it is undoubtedly on their minds. Kids talk with one another, read the paper, and hear and watch the news. This is not happening just to them but to their friends as well. Even if there were no increase in unemployment, families are watching their expenses and looking to spend less.

This economic crisis is a great opportunity for parents to model for children the responsibility that comes with earning and spending money. The less that comes in, the less that can be spent. They must see us spending responsibly and wisely before we can speak to them about doing the same. How you and your husband deal with this tough time right now can greatly affect your kids. They are watching you solve problems and seeing your values in action.

For some parents, saying “no” to their children can be difficult. We always want our children to have the best, often things that we didn’t have, and so saying “yes” often fulfills our own needs. Refusing them can feel punitive.

Youngsters can almost always make the case that a “wanted” item is, in fact, a “dire need.” But as parents, we must help children understand the difference. A much-desired item often becomes old news until the next one comes around. What we teach our children by saying “No” can often be the hardest, but the most valuable, lesson: We teach our children to prioritize, to delay gratification, and to value that which they do have.

Another valuable lesson for children is that seeking outside help is a sign not of weakness but of strength. Youngsters derive many benefits from seeing their parents take proactive steps to find solutions during challenging times.

In these difficult times, many people are reaching out for support to Jewish Family Service, which offers individual and family counseling and financial assessments.

Betty Jampel, LCSW, is the coordinator for case management services at Jewish Family Service of MetroWest; she has been involved in community mental health for more that 20 years.

Send questions to the JFS social worker to intake@jfsmetrowest.org (put “JFS on Call” in the subject line). For more information on JFS’ services, call 973-765-9050 or visit www.jfsmetrowest.org.

Aging services expand under federal funding

Shally Li, left, teaches fellow Parsippany LIVE participant Betty McGhee-Narey the fine art of Chinese cooking. Together they prepared moo shu pancakes with chicken and vegetable filling.

Photo by Karen Alexander

by Robert Wiener
NJJN Staff Writer

October 9, 2008

With the aid of a $478,492 federal grant, United Jewish Communities of MetroWest NJ is inaugurating a Naturally Occurring Retirement Community in Caldwell, inspired by a program in Parsippany that is helping senior citizens age in place.

The grant will provide two professionals experienced in senior services. They will split their time between the older adult communities in the two towns, providing the elderly with connections to a range of services.

The two-year federal funding, which began in August, was made possible with support from the offices of Sens. Frank Lautenberg and Robert Menendez (D-NJ) and Rep. Rodney Frelinghuysen (R-Dist. 11).

NORC initiatives aim to connect seniors to community-based services, enabling them to remain in the homes where they have lived for years and maintain ties with neighbors and community institutions.

The “first order of business” in the MetroWest initiative “is sustaining our Parsippany LIVE program,” said Karen Alexander, who directs the NORC effort as director of eldercare services at UJC MetroWest.

The Parsippany NORC runs a range of programs for older adults, including yoga and cooking classes, ping-pong tournaments, and job placement services.

It enlisted local institutions, from churches and synagogues to the Police Athletic League, to house programs and provide social connections among Parsippany’s aging population.

Karen Alexander, director of eldercare services at UJC MetroWest NJ, second from right, explains Caldwell’s new NORC program at the town’s community center. With her are, standing, from left, colleagues Rachel Cohen, Roberta Schoenberg, and Maria Burak, Caldwell’s director of social services.

Photo by Robert Wiener

“In Caldwell we are starting from the ground up,” Alexander said. “Our goals are to take Parsippany, identify the pieces that can work, and replicate them in another community.”

One person aiding the effort is Roberta Schoenberg, an expert on the elderly who most recently directed a community-based health and fitness program sponsored by Livingston’s Saint Barnabas Medical Center. She was hired by Jewish Family Service of MetroWest — a UJC MetroWest beneficiary agency — to be a site coordinator at both NORC locations.

“We want to learn what the communities of Caldwell and Parsippany need and what would benefit the older residents to enable them to continue living in their communities,” Schoenberg said.

The other site coordinator is Rachel Cohen, who will also continue as program manager for the At Home Services Division of Jewish Vocational Service of MetroWest.

“It’s very exciting to be part of something that is organic and will be responsive to the specific needs of the community,” she said. “We have already been met with incredible enthusiasm toward the project.”

Cohen, Schoenberg, and Alexander aim to build an infrastructure that will link together Caldwell’s business community, public sector, and houses of worship in offering support to the NORC they call Caldwell LIVE.

Alexander described Caldwell — a “solid middle-class community” with a median income of $61,000 — as an “ideal choice.”

“Based on 2000 census figures, the town had 3,300 households, and some 40 percent of them contained an adult over the age of 55,” she said. “There is already a senior center and a community center and a very strong vibe of community life that give us a structure to work with.”

Alexander and her associates have already reached out to Rabbi Alan Silverstein of Congregation Agudath Israel of West Essex in Caldwell, to local Christian clergy, and to officials at the town’s community center and public library — all located within a compact downtown area that spans slightly more than a mile.

“We can really have an impact in that kind of geography,” she said.

Cohen and Schoenberg are also engaged in what they call “listening sessions” with older adults in both Caldwell and Parsippany, learning about their interests and their needs, and discussing such topics as transportation, access to medical care, housing, food and nutrition, outreach, safety, and community services.

The executive directors of both JFS and JVS said the NORC expansion fits neatly into their agencies’ mission.

“As baby boomers are retiring from the workforce, a huge majority of individuals do not want to sit at home and engage in hobbies and [lead] sedentary, inactive lives. They want to work and give back,” said JVS executive director Leonard Schneider. “So we are providing for a new growth area of helping individuals find new opportunities for the next phase of their lives.”

Reuben Rotman, JFS executive director, said the aim of the “social work staff is to help seniors and their families remain living in their communities as long as is meaningfully possible, then help them to make transitions to other living arrangements. The NORC project allows us to try some new models and creative partnerships.”

Alexander, who spent the past three years as the hands-on director of Parsippany LIVE, will be delegating much of the day-to-day field work to Cohen and Schoenberg. She sees her new role as “a mentor, a resource, a coach.”

Between now and when the grant expires on July 31, 2010, her goal is to help two MetroWest communities see themselves “as not only a great place to raise a family but a great place to grow older.”